i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
