Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
