But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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