i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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