The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
