also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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