Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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