That's intense
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
