I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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