You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
