You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
