You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
