I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
