I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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