You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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