the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
