i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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