i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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