I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
