His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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