I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
