so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
