we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
