your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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