when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
