Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
