the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
