I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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