if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
