K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
