The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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