It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Randomize
