Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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