It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
