I'm jealous of your bromance
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
