Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
