It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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