I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
