What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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