Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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