he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
