thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
