Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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