took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
