Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
