why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
