I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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