one might say we're banned from that church
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i think my cat just said my name.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
