Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
