I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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