Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My dick has a subreddit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
