in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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