she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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