A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
