So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
