I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
