On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
